Life Without Mother

Dear Friend,

Ten years is a long time. And yet, such a breath of a breath in the grand scheme of eternity, much less my life. It’s remarkable to consider how many moments in that long (but brief) ten years I’ve questioned whether I could make it this far. And the truth is, I didn’t.

God did. He has sustained me from the first breath He breathed into my lungs. From the first moment of my conception. From His sovereign will that I exist and know Him. What sweet delight it is to know that the great, awesome GOD Almighty — Creator of Heaven and earth — looked at all He created and would create and determined that He wanted to create me. I am uniquely created for His delight and His glory.

Even so, in His goodness, He granted to me a will of my own in the likeness (but not equity) of His. A will that determines where my worship is oriented. A will that until I was seven years old (and even in unholy moments since) I’ve used to dishonor Him and worship myself. Even so, His will cannot be broken. Thus, to quote a more eloquent soul,

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved me, even when I was dead in my trespasses, made me alive together with Christ — by grace I have been saved.

(Ephesians 2:4-5, emphasized personalization added)

The utter grace of God that He gave Himself in utter humiliation and suffering that I personally might be restored unto Him. That I would truly know my Creator — and now also my Savior! — and thus even more truly know myself: HIS creation, created for good works which He had already willed and prepared for me to do (as the above quote continues).

And this beautiful Gospel — that my Jesus paid the price for my rebellion, and that His resurrection secured my salvation and life with Him forever — it is this Gospel that my life must shout.

From my inmost being, to my words, my deeds, my prayers, my relationships — every facet of my life is to glorify HIM. My life is not my own. It is His. And oh, to know the love of my God who holds my life so preciously close to His heart!

I pray you would know this love and security this season, friend. THIS is the hope that has sustained me in my darkest moments these last ten years — and the eighteen before them! — and will sustain me for however more the Lord wills that I have in this world.

From death to life, and life to Life,
Hannah