“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. … Live in harmony with one another. … Do not be conceited. … If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:9, 16, 18
Dear Friend,
We like to say it’s easier to be at peace with friends, but I have more consistently found it difficult. It’s one reason I’m grateful for the many good and godly friends (some pictured above) whom God has brought into my life to fight with me for the sake of the friendship.
Most of my life, I have operated on this assumption that I must not create conflict with those around me. (Even in my younger years, there was the perception that I must never disappoint those I looked up to or ever give them reason to be mad or frustrated with me.) I’ll call it what it is: I was a people-pleaser.
But, I also have known from a young age that I am to be “unashamed of the Gospel”1 and that the Gospel is often offensive as His word cuts through marrow and bone.2 So, I would wrestle with this idea of being at peace with everyone and what it looks like to be at peace with others.
According to my young mind, being “at peace” was making sure no one was mad at me or frustrated with me or hurt because of me. But, that definition often has caused me to internalize hurt or, at the very least, develop a perfectionistic outlook on relationships. (I.e. If I have any sort of conflict or tension with someone, then I have failed at that relationship and, by extension, failed as a Christian. Ergo, I must never bring up any hurt or disagreement with anyone and if there’s ever a choice between what I want and what they want, choose them.) It would almost seem logical, if it were not seeped in the human understanding of an ignorant child. And here, enter Romans 12 — the understanding of the One who made this ignorant child.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Conflict itself is not bad. It is a thing with boundaries and limitations, not a state of being. It is when I make it a state of being by internalizing and holding onto it, rather than acknowledging and at least attempting to resolve it, that I have not made the effort to live in peace. But, sometimes, it’s just not possible to live at peace with everyone. If I have done my part of acknowledging the conflict and making attempts to resolve it or reconcile with the person, but they refuse on their end, then that lack of peace is covered by the implication in that first phrase, “if it is possible.”
There are other times in which I simply disagree with other believers in personal convictions. (This is not to say that I am right and they are wrong — we simply are different people with different convictions.)3 And in response to this seeming lack of peace, Paul says to “live in harmony with one another” and to “not be conceited.”
I love music. I help lead worship at my church and have at my previous churches for years. Lately, I’ve led with the melody more often than sung harmonies, but harmonizing with a lead singer is by far my favorite thing. (For one thing, there’s a bit less pressure in getting it near-perfectly right.)
By definition, harmonizing is when different notes are played in tandem to create a “pleasing effect.” So, if we — all believers, that is — were all to agree on every little thing and all have the same giftings and all look exactly the same in our faith walk and all have the same testimonies, we would be a boring old melody line. Okay, granted — some melodies can be absolutely breath-taking. But, imagine if the most pleasing melody line you know were to be sung with no other instruments or singers. Good right? Now, imagine if just one person sang along and added a simple harmony to that melody, allowing for this masterful variation where you don’t know where that harmony will land next all the way until the end of the line. Now there’s the added intrigue that keeps your attention.
Finally, imagine a vast choir of singers and a whole orchestra — an entire symphony of synchronized notes, unified and yet anything but simple. This is the potential of the Church! This is what He has made us to be! The perfected harmony to His melody! He does not need us to be worthy to praise, but in Christ we may bring glory to all that He has done and who He is! Just as a harmony creates emphasis to the Melody.
Paul’s exhortation to “live in harmony” is an invitation and a command to each recognize our “different gifts” as he mentions prior (verses 4-8) and the necessity for the Church to together lean into our differences for the benefit of His Kingdom and the glory of His name.
We live in harmony by recognizing our differences and living unified in His Spirit so that our unification in variation becomes the great symphony of His love.
There’s much more to this I wish to write, friend, and will do so in the coming weeks! But, for now–
Harmoniously yours,
Hannah
Life Without Mother 
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