Life Without Mother

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today would have been your fifty-sixth birthday. But, rather than being lost in the would-have-beens, I think the best present I could have given you was the knowledge that your daughter was doing what God has made every human being to do: give Him glory and honor and praise. You showed us what that looked like. I remember I used to get so annoyed when you made every little thing (even folding laundry) about giving God the glory. Now, I have definitely caused more than one exasperated sigh from friends doing the same thing. But, by the grace of God, many of those friends still do the same for me when I forget what this life is about.
I almost forgot, Mom. I almost forgot what this life is about. Here I am, living in the Upper West Side of New York City, serving in the South Bronx, using my free-time to explore this wonderful city, and I nearly forgot the whole reason I’m here. And I don’t just mean in NYC.
But God. (Best turn of phrase there is!) God woke me up. He flipped back on the breaker of my life.
Tonight we had our first G2 in-person service where we could come together to worship and fellowship after six months of Zoom services. There is so much blessing in the technological ability to still meet together when caught in a pandemic — but, in-the-flesh fellowship is so sweet after facing screens! I had the honor of helping on the worship team, and it was wonderful! Looking out and seeing the little kiddos running around during our practice time, and then dancing during the service (since we don’t have kids church yet). Playing an old song in a new way, and just having fun with the camaraderie of talented brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who love to worship Him. Fellowshipping with all of my new church family — getting to finally meet some face-to-face after six months, getting to re-introduce myself from my brief visit six months ago, and getting to make even more new acquaintances (many of these were little ones who exuberantly show their love in my love language: hugs!) — Tonight was what I desperately needed.
This is my new resolve. To live as God has called me to live, and in so doing, accomplish the immediate purposes to which he has assigned me.

Oh, how I wish, after a day like today, that I could call you. I wish I could gab your ear off like those afternoons of my senior year at the kitchen table when I would tell you all about my day. I wish I could hear your laugh as I told you the latest ridiculous thing that I’ve experienced (usually by my own fault). I wish death was not a part of this life.
But, I will praise the Lord, that He has not let it have the final word! In His loving-mercy, He gave us the hope to endure what He never intended for His creation and the way to experience that true life as He intended and that you now experience, yourself! I love you and I always will.

Your daughter,
Hannah