Some writings I’ve composed since the death of my mother. My musings on death, life, grief, and more. Enjoy some rough cuts of a young woman in process.
August 9th, 2016
Before Sunset Becomes Sunrise
During the dark moments
Before Sunset becomes Sunrise
The joys of the day
Become tears of the night
The laughs with friends
Become sorrows alone.
Every minute becomes an hour
Before Sunset becomes Sunrise
As memories made
Meet memories haunting
As hopeful dreams of today
Meet dashed dreams of yesterday.
Nightmares become reality
Before Sunset becomes Sunrise
And the strength found in numbness
Fails.
Walls are broken
The heart laid bare
In the hungry night.
But darkness is yet light
Before Sunset becomes Sunrise.
The Hand that holds
Never lets go
Covers the soul
Brings peace
Peace with a new morning
A new day
A new Sunrise
Sunrise for forever.
May 19th, 2017
Barely Here
I walk into the night
The winds whip around my soul
Wanting to take me
Take me Home.
Can I go Lord?
I’m so tired of feeling this pain
And yet it’s nothing
Compared to Your Son
The trees are pulled in the wind
Leaning into the wind
Just like me
Longing for release
From the roots of this earth
Lord let me fly
Fly high above this hurt
The ache of my soul
Encompasses all of me
My feet are barely treading these roads
My lungs are barely breathing
My eyes are barely wet with my last tears
My heart is barely beating
Why am I here Lord?
To serve You
That’s all I know
Show me God
Show me what You want me to do
March 17th, 2018 (6:25pm)
Insomnia
Blinding darkness
deafening silence
ceaseless chaos
pandemonium thriving
within the recesses of the mind
wasting the night away
in wakeful leisure.
Fantastical imagination illuminating
creatures of darkness
only to be dismissed
with the rising of the sun.
August 5th, 2017 (10:15am)
Change
I think it’s change. Change gets to me. And the process. In the moment I’m fine, but the thought of future moments where I must shift something cause me stress and a little nausea. I’m standing in an airport right now, waiting to check in for my flight. My stomach is a bit queasy and I’m just dying to be on the plane already. I guess because in this I between, there’s always the opportunity for something to go awry, a future issue I’m not prepared to deal with, only truly prepared for everything to go smoothly. I don’t know what makes my nerves on end now, as opposed to the first time I flew by myself. You’d think after the year I’ve had, no amount of change would phase me, but perhaps it’s because of the year I’ve had that I cling to what I know.
March 18th, 2018 (1:53am)
The Song of the Heavens (A personal hymn to my Jesus)
Sing the song of the Heavens
of thunder crashing in air
of rivers flooding celestial shores
of starbeams flashing the way
Sing the song of the Heavens
from whence Thy grace tale unfolds
from whence Thou hast saved poor wretches
from whence Thy victorious triumph shall rise
Sing the song of the Heavens
of the brilliance unable to dim
of the multitudes praising Thy glories
of the King enthroned for infinite Day
Sing the song of the Heavens
where mysteries hidden are now revealed
where unwelcome is sorrow and pains
where I rest in my Saviour’s holy embrace
May 11th, 2018
Lockscreen Memories
I see your face
On the background of my phone
Yet never again
Within the walls of my home.
I hear your voice
Recorded in videos of times past
Yet only silence
At my ears is amassed.
Your touch is gone
The feeling of your warm fingertips
Brushing the edges
Of my eyelashes, my nose, my lips
My Dirge Unto the Lord
To You, o God, I cry
I will not keep these tears inside
For though I know
That with the morning comes joy,
The night remains
And so does my sorrow.
Why, oh why, does the darkness win these battles?
Why, oh why, when Jesus You have won the war?
I can not see You, Lord,
Amidst this veil of tears
So hold this child of Yours
Who You say You love so dear
July 25th, 2019
FEAR
the pit in your stomach
filling with water
drowning slowly
from the inside
out
the water seeking
to leak from around
the eyes
but evaporating
only to rain once more into
the pit in your stomach
April 30th, 2021
Formation of Scars
At first it bleeds profusely —
Or sometimes not at all —
Though I’ve found ‘tis often the ones that bleed the most
That leave the lesser scar
May 23rd, 2021
The Girl with Steel Cheeks
She was strong
Not a flinch when all went wrong
So from where did the rust come?
Life Without Mother 
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