Life Without Mother

Dear Friend,

It’s my re-birthday today! It’s been 19 years since I gave my life to Jesus! And what a journey it has been!

This Christmas, as I was cleaning out old boxes of mementos through the years, I came across this precious piece of paper my mother had saved for me — my “re-birth” certificate. I love that she kept this. For the longest time I couldn’t remember the exact day, though I knew what year and around what month. What a sweet moment to find this treasure — the same images I’ve carried in my memories of that night since then. (I always specifically remembered the bike on the path, hah!)

August 15th, 2005 began like every other day — and was about to end like every other day as Mom read to my sisters and me from the small chapter book Teddy’s Button. Yet, the LORD knew what He was doing in my heart — He was calling my name, inviting me to follow Him for the rest of my life, give my allegiance to Him.

Truly, I love His sense of humor (or, really, the artful weaving of a Master Storyteller) as it was a book that He used to open my ears to His calling. And in my answer, He demonstrated the call of my entire life: “Mom, I want to be part of God’s Army.” Even at seven, I had this internal need to be part of His plan and to defend the faith. To tell others. To fight the enemy with the LORD.

No, I didn’t know what that fully meant back then — I was only an infant in the faith — but now I see even more how He has molded my heart from the start.

It’s amusing to break down the years of my Christian walk in parallel to human development over the years. For example, the first ten years of my new life (7-17 years), I see how He was teaching me the basics. I was learning what life was as a Christian, the basic tenets and doctrines that build the foundation. Much like we learn the simple things of life in those first ten years — how to walk, talk, eat, get dressed, etc. — I learned how to walk in faith, talk about my faith, hunger for His word, dress myself with spiritual armor.

Then, the next nine years brought the learning of my identity in Christ. Honing my faith as more than just words on the pages of His Word or something my parents talked about — it was tested with doubts, with trials, with temptation. Sometimes (or, let’s be real, more often than not) I failed in the moment of testing. But, the LORD keeps His own and continues to sharpen me into His image.

Nineteen in the faith. Some would say at nineteen you’re officially an adult. But, as I’ve learned, this season of the twenties brings even further sharpening. Which is part of being an adult, right? True maturity comes with recognizing what we know and pursuing the understanding of what we don’t.

In the picture above, I see the start of my new life. The legacy of a mother and father who raised up their child in the way she should go, always knowing it would be the child who must either submit to that path or go her own way. By the grace of God, I chose to submit. And that calling of His continues to anchor my soul.

Nineteen years and, God willing, many more–
Hannah