Life Without Mother

Dear friend,

What are the odds? Just the past few weeks I feel I’ve been putting together so many pieces of the past eight years that I’ve missed or forgotten, finally feeling as though I’m letting go, moving on. (As I’ve said recently, this does NOT mean forgetting or no longer experiencing sadness over Mom’s death.)

Then, on the first night of family camp out at Paisano, one of the pastors stands up to share that there will be a class offered every morning during which to discuss grief.

I went.

The first official grief-share class I’ve attended, a group of about 30-40 people met every morning at 8:45am to share where we were in the process and how to process. And I loved it.

Perhaps one might ask why I had not attended one sooner. It has been suggested since I moved to NYC — though the season of COVID lockdown and then just general apprehension from unfamiliarity kept me from finding one to attend. Before that, I think I just had so many new people (aka fellow college students) with whom to share my story with over and over in such a way that I didn’t realize the great benefit of sharing my story within a concentrated group of fellow grievers.

This group of campers provided a variety in demographic — age, life stage, length of loss, source of grief, etc. — one that provided the space to affirm the unique grief of every individual while finding comfort in the “searing pain of loss”.¹ And I would highly recommend such a group to anyone going through grief. The validation of your own difficult, uncomfortable emotions and even the sense of purpose in validating those same emotions for others. That we are not alone in our loneliness.

But, I’m also grateful to have done this now. God’s perfect timing amazes me once again as all of my prior processing over the past eight years allowed the brevity of this condensed “grief-share” class to provide just enough depth with which to resonate without feeling as though I’d been thrown into the waves without a life vest.

I had specific questions. An understanding of my own grief over the years. A strong awareness of my current emotional state. The ability to articulate both facts and feelings. And a great desire to hear from others while not needing as much to be listened to.

However, I would be remiss not to add that I was in fact abundantly listened to throughout the week — particularly by my sister-in-law who attended the class with me. And I got to hear her story — after years of knowing each other, actually getting to know one another. What a blessing! Finding greater friendship within kinship: arguably my favorite part of this week.

There are specific things we discussed this week that I would like to share more regarding my own thoughts and experience over the next couple of weeks. So, stay tuned for more…

Your faithfully external processor,
Hannah

1. “How Deep the Father’s Love” (Stuart Townend) ↩︎