Life Without Mother

Sooooo, y’know how I said in my last post “I think I’m okay?” Apparently there’s repercussions to being “okay”…

Such as, now I have to actually take responsibility for the now “not so okay” parts of my life: aka finding new medical insurance, using said insurance in finding new services in this city where I officially — indefinitely — live, and (of course, we can’t forget) moving on from all the searching for purpose to living it.

Basically, at 26, I’m finally doing what (I think) is more colloquially referred to as “adulting.” But, whereas a year ago I would have been (and really was) overwhelmed, there’s a new internal resolve — dare I say, maturity?

Before we get too hasty in this so-called maturity, I confess I’m entirely prone to another mental breakdown within the next couple of months (especially as I officially launch my new freelance business–eek!), BUT that is no longer the constant underlying current of my mental state. That hanging on by a thread. Treading water.

No, I have at least a needle with which to crochet that thread into a sweater — okay, probably closer to a never-ending chain because I don’t remember how to loop it back into itself. I have a small rowboat. Nothing fancy, but something to get somewhere. Do something.

I think Jesus might’ve said I have a mustard seed… and something about moving mountains…¹

Anyways, that’s all, really. Just a brief update in what “being okay” really is — so no one gets the wrong idea about life and all that.

Watering this tiny seed,
Hannah

1. Matthew 17:20, Luke 17:6 ↩︎