Life Without Mother

“Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Job 2:13

This. A whole week of just sitting on the dirt floor. And no words were spoken. What words could be spoken? For those who may not know the story of Job, I first encourage you to look it up and read it yourself. However, in short, Job was a wealthy man with multiple children and a wonderful reputation, known for being “blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil” (Job 1:1). Meanwhile, in Heaven, Satan says that Job’s faith in God was because God had greatly blessed him — if God took away everything, then Job would surely curse Him. God allows Satan to do to Job whatever he wants, except to take his life. Satan causes the destruction of Job’s children and wealth and even sets an agonizing disease on Job’s body. Then, we see his friends hear of his distress and come to comfort him. Their first response upon reaching him: to plop themselves on the floor next to him and just be there. No words of reasoning, no efforts to remind Job of what he still has, no pressuring him to get out of the dirt and dust off his pants. Just silent presence.

Of course, for those of us who have read the rest of the story, they do speak to Job. (And they have quite a lot to say.) But, have you ever noticed? It is Job who speaks first. Then they respond.

How often have we met a friend in suffering and immediately tried to fix their problem or fix them? I know I have before. And then I experienced a grief I would never have thought I’d experience so soon. And it is only now that I can attempt to articulate the utter chaos such a grief can cause. As the one in that suffering, how am I supposed to respond to such a jarring of normalcy? What was the correct way to suffer? Was I supposed to cry and then move on? Cry and then smile and then cry again? Should I have screamed in anguish to let it all out at once? What if I had gone to a batting cage to beat out all of the confusion and anger and sadness?

God says that for everything there is a time, but He never says how long that time is (Ecclesiastes 3).

Sometimes, I wish He had provided this perfect timeline for grief (and even listed different timelines for various griefs, because it would seem natural that some would last longer than others). But, He doesn’t. Why?

Ultimately, I think it’s because this world is full of grief. There is a time for everything. That time is now. Because, time is a part of this temporal world. God refers to Himself as the Beginning and End, because He is all time at all times. We are the ones stuck in the temporal plane where things have beginnings and endings.

So, we will suffer. That suffering may cycle. Sometimes it will be me in the midst of it, sometimes others around me, sometimes both at the same time.

He does, however, model many different griefs for us in His word. And, I think there’s something important that we can learn from Job about what it looks like to suffer and to suffer with a friend.

If you’re the one suffering, you don’t have to express yourself right away. In my own experience, even with all of the words in my repertoire, I couldn’t. Sometimes, I still can’t. Sometimes, you just need to sit on the ground. When your friends join you, don’t apologize that they’re sitting in the dirt with you — they chose to do so. You didn’t kick them down. They want to get dusty with you and for you.

And, if you’re the friend, this is the best response. Sometimes it can involve a small question: “What do you need right now?” But, be patient. Sit. Stay. There may not always be an immediate answer to that question. It is the presence that matters most. Often, the worst of our suffering is from the lie that we are alone. For the Christian, that is most definitely a lie, even when no one is physically there, because God has promised to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). And yet, having a friend willing to physically and/or emotionally model that makes it all the more difficult to believe that lie — as He has also said, “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

Just as we stand by each other to fight the good fight, we must also learn to simply sit and be silent.