Life Without Mother

Dear Mom,

As I sit here in my favorite coffee shop — because where else would a college English major be on a Saturday? — working on homework — yes, I know it’s my birthday, but these ten-page research papers won’t write themselves — and sipping my iced mocha — basically chocolate milk with coffee because I’m a simple person who isn’t particularly crazy about coffee — I can’t help but wish that I could share this experience with you. Seeing as how you are temporarily unavailable, however, I will go about sharing it the old-fashioned way through this letter.
I have not written in forever, I know. The need to speak with you has not been overwhelming (and even now is not overtaking me to the point that I have to, I simply wish to do so because it is nice to relive the memories of speaking with you by writing it out in this form). This year has certainly held its ups and downs. God has revealed Himself in my life everyday in new ways that take my breath away and bring such joy that I could never have imagined before you went to be with Him yourself.
Oh Mom, if only I could tell you face to face of all the wonderful ways He has worked and continues to work in my life so that I could see the look of joy that fills your face as you hear the daughter for whom you prayed so ardently and consistently sharing how God has faithfully answered your prayers everyday. Of course, there are better days than others — days when I actually pick up my cross from the get go rather than waiting until I’ve missed an opportunity and the conviction sets in after the fact.
But, God is ever faithful, even when I am not. He continues to reveal where my heart is not in line with His and gently brings me ever closer to where He desires me to be. It fans the flame within my soul that burns for Him and sets me ablaze for His Kingdom that stands for all time! The opportunity He has given me to stretch beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone has been painful at times but so worth it.

I took a break in my letter in order to get back to work. These times when I’m struggling to finish my homework — especially those in the realm of term papers — are especially when I wish I could call you to hear that encouragement you always used to give me to press on. But, I’m learning to do without your encouragement or with only the memory of it, relying on the Spirit to develop in me the self-discipline I’ve always struggled to maintain or even have to begin with.
Friends and family are such a wonderful blessing from God. They lift me up when I need it and when I don’t realize I need it.

Wish I could give you a big hug right now. As I’ve said before, that is one of the things I miss most — the strength in your hugs that showed me how much you loved me.

Love,
Hannah