Life Without Mother

I know, I’ve been silent for quite a while. I suppose it’s part of me moving on? But not really, because I’m pretty sure I’ve talked more about Mom here in Germany the past two weeks than I have in two months. Spending my summer here in Germany is just what I needed for this summer on multiple levels. For one thing, it’s been wonderful getting to know Hailey as a two-year-old. She is so vivacious and energetic and has such personality! (As I type she just tripped over a fan towards which she immediately turned, pointed her little index finger and said, “Stop it! Stop it,” as if it had meant to trip her. Never a dull moment for sure.) Her eyes and eyebrows give her such expression and she’s so intelligent. The only thing is, she is two and therefore is working out her attitude, particularly by fighting nap time and saying everything is “mine”. But Katie is a wonderful mother, though some occasions warrant odd explanations or exclamations such as “no, that is for your bottom not your knees” or “Don’t bite the table!” (the first was said just a minute ago) that you don’t realize need to be said until you’ve had kids. Like I said, never a dull moment.
I haven’t really been able to know Joel well since he graduated high school—joining the Army and marrying tend to create certain barriers such as distance and adulthood. Being here, living life with him and his little family of three—soon to be four!—has allowed me the opportunity to build up that brother-sister relationship again by talking about things and playing video games and regular games (in which I beat him two out of three) and watching The Office (which is probably the dumbest show I’ve seen and is most definitely killing brain cells, but hey, you do what you’ve gotta do for family). Another avenue that he might assume is being used is talking with Katie. Through her I see the wonderful husband and father he has grown into, growing even more everyday. Being in the Army is hard enough for anyone, but a father and husband—I understand a lot more about the sacrifice not only the soldiers make, but their families as well. Change is inevitable, a shield beyond the physical armor, their hearts having to learn to love as well as lose daily. An invisible wall that they won’t easily admit to having erected because to shine light on the wall is to break it down.
And through both Hailey and Joel, I see Katie’s strength as a wife and mother and it’s inspiring. Having her as a sister-in-law has always brought me joy (I always wondered how Joel managed to marry such a pretty and smart girl), especially as she has been willing to be that older sister I never had. Spending almost all-day every day with her has provided ample time for talking and laughing and singing and playing and sightseeing and swimming and watching Gilmore Girls (a slightly more intelligent show than The Office). Oh and eating more gelato than is healthy… I truly look forward to the next month and a half that I get to spend in her company, building our relationship as sisters especially as we grow in our relationships with Christ. We are doing a Bible study together on Spiritual Disciplines and so far, just with reading the introduction and first few scriptures we have had conviction and deep conversations, and are eager to press on!
This summer has been a much needed break from reality. Though it is this break from reality that brings me back to reality.
Even being so far away from home, I miss Mom. I think it can be worse when I’m away because when I think of home and getting off the airplane at DFW airport, Dad will be there, but Mom won’t. We won’t be able to compare trips and I can’t share pictures and stories. I can’t get that Mom hug. Dad will be there to tell, to show, to hug and I’m certainly thankful for that. And I don’t cry every time I think about her now, but there’s still a little twinge at the bottom of my heart, the thick scar tissue that is still healing. I thank God that He is a God of healing!

Isaiah 53:4-5
Hannah:)