Life Without Mother

Dear Mom,

It was election day today. Talk about nerves and discussions everywhere. Personally, I have not been too uptight. Firstly, because it takes too much energy to stress about things, and ultimately, no matter what happens, God is in control. It is not the leader who makes the country, especially a democracy as ours, but the people. And that’s where things change—in the hearts of the individuals.
But I don’t want to talk politics or current events (though I will say I am greatly envious of your vantage point of the One who is in control). The past few days have been wonderful. After the rough month I’ve had, I needed a break from the weight on my heart. This isn’t to say that the weightiness won’t come again—especially looking forward to the holidays quickly approaching—yet I may relish in this freedom from sadness for the time being.
While the grief weighed on me, there was always the underlying assurance within me that God is good. However, the joy and peace was not always at the forefront as I battled to let myself cry and let go of the pain and anger I was feeling. The past couple of days I’ve actually been happy, not just joyful through tears. A light-heartedness has given a whole new pep to my step that has not been with me since—well, probably since you died.
I felt like I was me again. The “Sunshine” me that you always saw me as since the day I was born. Even in the physical weariness of school, I’ve been able to still smile and feel satisfied with living this life on earth for a bit longer.
And I believe God knew I’d need this emotional/spiritual recharge for the craziness of this weekend and the next couple of weeks (Thanksgiving, etc.). I’m greatly looking forward to having the whole family in town and showing off my new home here and enjoying their company without being completely surrounded by your memory as we are back in Texas. That’s not to say the thought of you won’t be with me—it will be hard to walk around showing them everything and not remember how you were the one I originally toured the campus with and the one I would have thought I’d get to show my haunts to. But God will give me strength, peace and joy, the things I will need to just keep moving forward.
I love you, Mom!

Your daughter,
Hannah

(P.S. It looks like Trump will be winning this thing…We’ll see how the next four years go…)