Life Without Mother

Dear Mom,

I have not been quite as consistent as I intended in writing to you. This is not for lack of material (there are some days when I just wish time could hold still for a moment and I could breathe!) but rather lack of motivation I suppose. Maybe writing you is hard. Maybe sometimes it is what I need. Maybe I’m not writing you per say but writing just to write. Sometimes I believe the latter is the truth. Just to write things and feel things and—
Oops, I’m allowing my “stream of consciousness” to take over. This is what my English class has talked about lately along with our discussions on existentialism. Basically talks on the meaning of life. Unfortunately, I cannot merely blurt out the answer that God is our reason for living. This would be met with rolled eyes and a lower grade for disrupting the class. However, I can pose questions back to the professor (which I’ve done). In short, he validated the questions without agreeing to the sentiment. But this tid bit is irrelevant to the purpose of these letters other than sharing something I would have spent twenty minutes telling you about were you here to call.
I surprised Hope for her birthday, showing up at the beginning of her soccer game the night before and then spending as much time as I could with her the following day. She had school so I was able to squeeze in breakfast with a dear friend, voting for the first time, a voice lesson/mentor visit, lunch with dad, and a short nap all before I partook in a neighborhood walk with Hope (in no way was I going to run, no matter how much I love her). Before I had to leave that evening, Hope told me she was glad I came. Those quiet words and the hug she gave me were the best part. You know how much it takes to know how she really feels about something, and I was certainly not expecting anything, just trusting that it did mean something by how she enjoyed our time spent together. But no, she even told me she was glad I came! Those words made the four hour drives worth it and this big sister’s heart very happy.
Today I got to spend literally my entire day with my Phi Lamb Big. It was wonderful! We hadn’t really been able to hang out because of busy schedules but what started as lunch and going to watch another Phi Lamb sister perform turned into ten straight hours in each other’s company. She came to my dorm to check it out and then we started talking and, well, you know how I like to talk? She’s pretty much the exact same in that regard. So yeah, we didn’t pause until about eight-fifteen when we decided to go to Canes for some food because we hadn’t eaten since twelve-thirty. And we talked at Canes for another hour and a half or so.
I learned something cool about the whole behind-the-scenes Big/Little reveal thing. That night she gave me a little basket with a sweet note and some goodies. The note said, “Be Brave {little} one. 1 Cor. 16:13.” I had pinned it up next to a picture of Dad, you, Joel, Hope and I from before Mary Faith was born and every time I see that picture and the note next to it, I am encouraged and my heart feels a little lighter. Well, she told me that when she was choosing a scripture to give me, she prayed that God would show her the right one and opened her Bible and that was the one that popped out at her. It’s amazing how God orchestrates even the seemingly insignificant of endeavors for His glory and our good. Being a part of the wonderful sisterhood I have a privilege to be a part of has allowed me to see so many new ways that God has affected my life and is working through not only me, but others around me.
Every day I find all new reasons to say that GOD IS GOOD!!! No one can ever take that away from me and I will never stop proclaiming that from the rooftops until I join you and Him in Heaven!

Your daughter,
Hannah