Life Without Mother

Dear Mom,

This weekend was a rollercoaster of emotions, conversations, people and fun. Having Mrs. Rhonda (I just can’t lose the habit of the whole “Mrs.” thing yet thanks to how much you drilled it into my head!), Jeremy and Selena over was probably a lot better for me and the rest of our family than if they hadn’t been. Their presence created a whole new dynamic in our family interaction that not only brought with it plenty of new jokes and fun, but also a distraction from the lack of your presence. There were the moments (especially when we relaxed and weren’t hanging out together) when I couldn’t keep myself from wondering what it would have been like if you were here—what would you have done in a certain situation or how would this weekend look different?
Of course a big difference is that there would have been a totally different dynamic between Dad and Mrs. Rhonda (for obvious reasons) and I believe that Jeremy and I wouldn’t have reconnected as well as we did. Going into this past weekend with the mindset of us being (possible if not probable) family in the next year or so lent a different attitude and lack of reservation that I feel I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Maybe it wasn’t as weird for him—but the first two hour car ride in which we each shared our feelings about our situation and our experiences at college up to that point was really a help in solidifying our friendship. And the rest of the weekend was filled with the normal teasing of siblings and rehashing more fun—and awkward—memories from our childhood as best friends as well as a theological conversation that made me really happy (you know how passionate I am about just discussing things—especially theological things)!
Speaking of theological things, God is so good. Mom, I can’t even express the full joy I have here and how thankful I am for all of His gracious blessings to me this year! From finding a wonderful church, to new friends, to my Sunday school teachers, to my classes (besides French of course), to my roommate, to the victory that I now live in with no shame of the forgiven past—my slate wiped clean. Yes, there are the hard situations where I really miss old friends, classes that will be the death of me *cough* French *cough* and the daily occurrence of wanting you here because I just want it to be that much easier knowing I can always go to you for advice, but God has shown His grace and faithfulness through that daily ache in ways that I would never have known had He not taken you to be with Him. Truly, I would not be who I am today—depending on God in everything—if He had not taken away the one person I hadn’t even realized how much I depended on. So now I can hope to be a beacon of light as you were by being as infused with The Light as you were.

Your daughter,
Hannah