Life Without Mother

Dear Mom,

So this letter might be a bit of a downer–and I hate to do that to you–but the past week of being home alone (besides the short jaunt to NYC) has been hard. Almost every time I walk back into the house during the day I have to just ignore the fact that you aren’t in the kitchen or weren’t with me running errands before I leave for college. There’s just this presence missing from the house. It’s weird and I don’t think I’d ever know what it was like if it hadn’t happened. Even when Pop died there wasn’t as much of a loss, not because I didn’t love him or wasn’t going to miss him–because I did, a lot–but he just wasn’t the one who was literally there for everything. You were like a string that tied us all together, no matter how much we tried to break free or pull away. Now the string that held our family together is gone and we had to find each other’s hands to hold strong together, learning to trust that God will give us the strength to stay clasped in unison. Your unconditional love and encouragement and involvement in our lives were what made us who we are today, even Dad. You are the one who showed Christ to Dad and then along with him continued to demonstrate what it meant to have faith and stand firm on God’s will for your life. Now I’m trying to learn what that looks like in my own life, how to exude Christ even in the midst of my own personal struggles as you did. To overcome the struggles and become an even brighter light for Christ and soldier for God’s Kingdom.
This summer I’ve felt God calling me to something big. I don’t know what it is yet but there’s this passion just burning inside of me for something and I can’t wait to see. Is it a book I will one day write? Is it this blog? Will it be a speech I make? Or a specific girls’ ministry to which He will lead me? A movement started? I have no idea! But there is something that He has in store for me and the excitement and anticipation also come along with a peace in the assurance of my calling. No matter what happens to me, I know I’ll be fine because He isn’t done with me yet and I’m not ready to quit!

Your daughter,
Hannah