Life Without Mother

Dear Mom,

I got the AP Lit award!! Finally, my love (and talent, I suppose) for English being recognized with this pretty little medal–with a book on it!!! Eek! I’m so excited! I can just hear you saying you knew I’d get it and how proud you are of me. When walking by the picture from your funeral of you smiling, I knew that was the face you’d have if you were here (though maybe a more squinty-eyed, bigger-grin look).
I don’t know why we still have your picture just sitting the chair next to the stairs–you know, under the wall of pictures. I feel like it’s a reminder that keeps everything from going back to normal. But what is normal anyhow? Is normal having subjective or objective? According to the definition (yes, I had to look it up to be sure), normal is the common standard, what’s expected. But in this day and age is the common standard to have a complete familial unit? Maybe we are really going from out of the norm to the norm as we find ourselves without the mother and wife that really was what knit our family together. Without you, none of us kids would be here (and of course the same goes for Dad too). And that is why writing kind of indirectly to you is so beneficial I think–so that others who are either facing the loss of that key person or simply the displacement, due to that d-word you never would say, may read these letters and find comfort that they are not alone, and we all struggle with our own tragedies. What God made to be normal–the familial unit of a father, mother, and children–this messed up world has made to be abnormal. But I know that our own family’s “abnormality” is what God will use in big ways to bring Himself glory and further His kingdom among those who find themselves in the same category. Pray for our faithfulness to His will and the continued courage to face another day. I love you as always!

Your daughter,
Hannah

(P.S. I still just can’t believe that I finally received the English award! Honestly wasn’t even hoping for it this year after all the years of my hopes being dashed. Wish you could’ve been here!)