Life Without Mother

Dear Mom,

My Elementary Senior Breakfast was this morning — there were about thirty of us who came to revisit the past and even some teachers who left the school came to visit. The reunion was a heartwarming experience as we all reminisced the old days when we were fourth and fifth graders, the second class to graduate from my elementary. (We also found out from old teachers secrets about other teachers.. hah!)

It all made me think though, in light of my current situation, how I wish I could get just a small moment back from the past. And I think that is a wish desired at least once within anyone’s lifetime. Whether the desire is to go back for a moment to fix a wrong or simply to return to simpler, perhaps more happy, times. But to live in the past would be to reject the future and the plans God has for us all — whether we believe in Him or not. He has so much in store, and as He says, we are to “set [our] minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”¹ which would include the past. You get to experience that end right now, Mom, no longer having to set your mind on Heaven — you are there receiving the full glory of being in God’s presence!

But it is easy to say those things and call up scripture in comfort only after the pain of wanting to return to the past for a mother’s embrace or ride home from school with the relentless questioning of how my day was, and knowing that I can’t. I just want to go back to my mom being here to take care of everything. We all want to be adults until we’re thrust into it with no choice. I mean, yeah, I have Dad, Grannette, and plenty of friends who would step into that role, but none of these wonderful people are the ones who carried me for nine months before practically carrying me again for the next 18 years.

Of course all of this carrying stuff reminds me of the “Footprints” poem. Mom, you taught me to always trust God and He will provide according to His love and purpose, and I listened, but now I’m truly learning and understanding what that looks like. He is the One who really has been carrying me and continues to, only before when it was through your arms, now it’s just Him and me, and I pray for the sake of the plan He has in store for me that He never puts me down! And, again from your wonderful instruction to read His word, I know that He never will. I love you!

Your daughter,
Hannah

1. Colossians 3:2 ↩︎